Jan Ramos officially becomes SANGGU President

 

By PONCE TALAVERA

 

Jan Ramos has officially been inaugurated President of the Sanggunian amidst controversy about his ties to Miriam College and mass protests on his controversial populist policies.

 

KATIPUNAN- Placing his hand on the Bible and as well as on ACH bestseller “Wat-Pad: A Series of Short Love Stoires,” President Jan Ramos took the solemn oath to become the 45th President of the Sanggunian.

 

But in spite of him officially becoming the most powerful Student in the Metro, the President is still a controversial figure.

 

OSCI continues to investigate the President’s alleged ties to Russ-I mean, Miriam, and besides the protests scheduled yesterday and today, his inauguration was also the least attended inauguration of any SANGGU President ever. Period.

Polls from the Guidon say that President Ramos has the lowest-approval ratings of any SANGGU President, polling at 32%, or fifty-points lower than his predecessor, Abstain. Another poll from the Matanglawin says that 52% of the population think that the Sanggunian would be justified to block the President’s more controversial plans, with 40% of those respondents saying impeachment should even be considered.

 

For the sake of being open-minded, however, the Katipunero has also found another poll that paints a different story. An online poll from the “Students for Freedom against Politicucks” facebook group says that 84% of their respondents feel good about this president, while another 8% says “that the President leaves me with a nice, hot and bothered feeling.”

 

"Ateneo Uber Alles"
“Heart and Haha Reacts Only”

 

LS political science professor Dr. Ayrtom Al-Jung, says the data shows that recent elections tested the University like no election ever has before. “The polls show massive rises and falls for all the different candidates during the election. ROSAS candidate Nina L. Venezia, for example, was incredibly unpopular during the first half of the elections when he had to contend with the other left-wing candidate, Bernice Sanchez. Her numbers rose up a bit after he systematically eliminated Bernice during the race, but crashed down again after the email hacks revealed that Bernice was thoroughly disliked by everyone around her and that ROSAS was plotting against Bernice.”

 

“In this election, people finally had someone they genuinely liked, but when that didn’t pull through, they had to choose between bad, and insanely bad. It shows what kind of school we live in when people still vote for batshit insanity.”

 

Ramos supporters, however, see the election differently than Dr. Al-Jung. Kylie Con Yelo, token female member of the “Diehard Ramos Supporters” group, says that the election wasn’t divisive at all, and that what we’re seeing is the death throes of a corrupt institution.

 

“What did Bernice, and her thousands of supporters, stand for? She stood for the overthrow of the one-percenters, the cleaning up of the Sanggunian, the elevation of the scholars, and the creation of a new,  better Sanggunian that would work for everyone, not just the elites of the Sanggunian and their SOM backers.

 

Now, what did we get? We got Ramos, who says many of the same things. He’ll overthrow the one-percent, he’ll clean up the Sanggunian by deporting Lasallians, he’ll create a new Sanggunian that will work for everyone but the Objectivists and SJWs, and finally bring back the Sanggunian of Marcos, back when everything was wonderful and no one disagreed because OSCI was actually able to do its job and beat up leftists.

 

Ramos is fighting for the common person, just like Bernice did. The dishonest media and the Sanggunian elites are just painting our administration as a failure, they’re rigging it against us like they did to Bernice. Luckily, however, we know the real facts and the real facts say that 90% of the population is behind us.”

 

(Editor’s note – 90% of the population refers to 90% of the population within the Xavierville area, President Ramos’ core base of support. His real standing of the entire population is, as of this writing, at 42%)

 

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