Miriam @ 90 – School unveils plans to expand, become a university, and to overthrow the patriarchy

Sick of being the third school you think about when you hear the word “Katipunan,” Miriam has announced big plans for its 90th anniversary (2016). The school has planned many events for the milestone, including a bigger and more impressive school fair, raises for all its loyal staff, rearming its historic all-female ROTC Division “Jungle Witches,” as well as outfitting the campus with all the latest technology.

“All rise as we prepare to reaffirm our allegiance…”

This is all part of the Miriam’s Great Leap Forward project(working title), which aims to turn Miriam College into the country’s top school in ten years or less, in order to fulfill a prophecy that on its 100th year, Maryknoll college will lead an uprising of the country’s female population into usurping the patriarchy and establishing a new, more egalitarian gender dynamic.

To achieve its goal, Miriam has began to fund large-scale infrastructure projects, building on formerly empty spaces of greenery and constructing more classrooms, science labs, gyms, and libraries. Underground, a sealed room contains the sleeping bodies of the Maryknoll sisters of Miriam, who were believed to have left the country in 1977. They have thus been revealed to have all been kept in cryostasis in the school’s intricate tunnel network for decades awaiting the promised day of victory and glory.

“WE LIVE, WE DIE, WE LIVE AGAIN”

In addition to their infrastructure program, the school has also revealed a new wave of industry, policy, and educational reforms. With an intent on becoming a new political juggernaut, the school has created Political Science and Law programs with a focus on influencing local and national politics. The fact that they’ve also revealed their new fleet of heavily-armed tanks and shiny arsenal of high-tech weaponry has not hurt their chances toward that at all.

Ateneo, who is first on their takeover list, is worried about the growing power of their neighbor, who they consider to be the Canada of Katipunan. Since the schools share borders, the Ateneo has began to post student-guards along the DEZ (De-Educational Zone). Unfortunately, putting a bunch of young, teenaged boys in charge of watching similarly-aged girls from across the line has only made monitoring the border even harder.

The Ateneo High School has begun to accept female students in an attempt to weaken Miriam’s position, but according to some sources close to the Associate Dean of the Office of  the School Commissar and Inquisitor, Rayray de Bias, this has only opened the school up to fifth columnists. They believe that sleeper cells have been operating within the school, and have been looking for ways to identify them. As of last week, all students found lacking a Y chromosome have now been flagged as potential threats.

The University of the Philippines, already weak from budget deficiencies and hot summers, has already bowed to Miriam’s power as the new educational hegemon. In exchange for its total surrender, the University has been allowed to keep its name and its administration, but must tear down its new, well-endowed Oblation statue with one that is gender-neutral, or include a similarly attractive Female statue to accompany him.

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3 thoughts on “Miriam @ 90 – School unveils plans to expand, become a university, and to overthrow the patriarchy

  1. I Love the vision but the aggressive male militarized strategies are incongruent to the vision of breaking down patriarchy.

  2. But but we already have Magdangal and the Muses. Besides, you tear down one oblation, seven more grow to take its place.

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