Why I forced my son to stay in Ateneo

I was an Ateneo student for years, but I never finished. Now that I have a son of my own, I have dedicated everything to make sure he graduates. This is my story.

I was an Ateneo student for 12 straight years, all the way from Prep to High school. After graduating valedictorian at AHS, a friend of mine from the batch above mine, introduced me to the wonders of multi-level marketing and investing in the internet. This was years ago, when the economy wasn’t great, but not bad either. The internet was new, and everyone was buying computer programs, domains, and website shares like there was no tomorrow. I invested all my family’s money into Netscape, Microsoft Millennium edition, and stuff like Y2K fixes. You can probably guess how it went.

I made so much fucking money channeling people’s money into that stuff and selling my shares just as the ball got rolling. I didn’t get as much money as I wanted, just a measly couple million dollars more, but at least I didn’t lose all my money. That’d come much later

I spent the next few years in the food industry, working on ventures such as exporting  bifsteks and experimenting with open-air air-conditioned strawberry farms in Makati. I met my wife at a party where we were both snorting the same line of cocaine and meeting in the middle, like the spaghetti scene in Lady and the Tramp. We wed, and years later, we decided to have a family. Up to this point, I was happy with my life. I had so much for so very little, and I wanted my child to have the same. So when my wife got pregnant, I decided to enroll our child in Ateneo, and to make sure he stayed there.

I love Gio. Gio is smart, talented, and funny. He has exceeded every goal we set for him, and then some. When he was 12, he had already gotten his first kiss with his girlfriend…’s best friend, and by the age of 13, had lost his virginity. I am so proud of my little pimp.

The only problem is, Gio was born a girl. My wife and I had always wanted a son. We’ve tried and tried, but all we got was Gio. We both wanted our son to go to Ateneo, the very best greatest top school in the country, so we decided to raise Gio as a boy. We dressed Gio up in boy’s clothes, gave him boy toys, and we taught him words like “boobies,” “chupa,” and “cocktastic” after he became old enough to talk. Eventually, when he came of age, Gio had identified as a boy, not a girl. When we brought him into AGS to sign him up, there was a minor scandal about how our son lacked the proper paperwork and equipment to be a boy, but we stood our ground. Gio is our son, he was born that way and we didn’t make no mistakes.

At least we don’t have to talk to him about condom use

Remarkably, Ateneo’s president, Fr. Jeb Sanga, stepped down from his literal ivory tower (a towering ten-story lighthouse built from elephant tusks and cemented with rhino tears) and met our son. In the trademark Atenista-liberal-Jesuit-unCatholicism fashion, he granted our son access to the school saying stuff like “In the river, water flows one direction, but fishes swim in either direction” Some people think that was just standard Jesuit doublespeak, but for my family, his acceptance of our son and his kind demeanor spoke volumes about him and the school he headed.

And so my son became an Atenista, and Gio has become all the better for it. Sure, he has a skewed perception of what life is like for the not-1% and thinks that Jeeps would be “like, so much better, if they were more malinis, y’know.”

Gio is now in his final year of ADMU. Sure, the ever increasing debt of the school tuition that suspiciously leads towards student org parties, professor’s hooker-and-blow parties, and the construction of Father Sanga’s Ivory Tower Extension project (My tower, our dream, can reach the skies, like the great tower Babel of old!) has drained my bank account dry and I’m now reduced to writing this blog post on pen and paper, but it’s worth it, you know?

Ateneo gave my son a pedigree that can be found nowhere else. UP? What would he learn there that he couldn’t learn in ADMU (Besides life skills, empathizing and mingling with people from all walks of life, idealism, and dozens of other courses not offered in ADMU)? DLSU? Pssh. UST? What, and be zealously religious? My son’s happy with the life of abortioning, gay sodomizing, lemon partying, and cross burning, thank you very much.

Bonfire 2012

Seriously, I think that my in the long-run, forcing my ideals upon my biologically-female daughter and forcing myself into large amounts of depth to pay a highly-opaque tuition was the right decision, and no self-righteous “struggling father” can take that away from me.

EDIT- P.S. Turns out AHS will be accepting female students soon. Ouch, if only Gio was born yesterday, we could’ve saved so much on therapy.

P.P.S. Thanks for the support! I’d have written more, but the wifi in the jeep is spotty 😛

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