Fallen Policemen Can’t Believe They Died For This Shit

Limbo, Afterlife – Looking over from the afterlife’s waiting room, Limbo, all of the fallen warriors, both the rebels and policemen, sit awkwardly beside each other while they wait for their afterlife assignments. Some of them are talking amongst each other, discussing their families and their causes, while others sit in understandable silence.

 

“Well fuck, this isn’t what I expected.” said Jamal (his preferred nom de guerre), a rebel who died after getting shot in the neck. “I thought the afterlife would be an automatic process.”

 

“Well you did kill people” interjected an angel seated behind a desk on the far-end of the room. “That’s normally a no-no.”

 

“Am I in hell?” asked a fallen policeman who asked not to be named, “I always knew that Hell would be a lot like getting your NBI clearance.”

 

“No, it isn’t” said the same angel, a revolving wheel of fire and eyes, “you’ll figure out where you’re going soon.”

 

BATHROOM IS ON THE THIRD DOOR TO THE LEFT.
YOU WILL SIT AND WAIT UNTIL YOUR NUMBER HAS BEEN CALLED, MORTAL

Hours later, the TV in the waiting room switched over to the news, where an ever familiar flaming wheeled-Angel discussed the news back in the realm of the living. The soldiers skipped the unimportant news like economics and education in Namibia, and to what was going on closer to their former home. Oddly enough, the news anchor for the Philippines news wasn’t an angel, but Ernie Baron.

 

“In other news,” said Ernie Baron in the universal language of the afterlife, “Current President Benigno Aquino is currently in hot water for his insensitivity towards the families of the fallen policemen.”

 

The piece went on for five minutes until Ernie Baron moved over to celebrity news, which none of the soldiers had any time for. Some of the soldiers were understandably miffed because it was their families who were being talked down to. Surprisingly, many of the angered soldiers were rebels.

 

“You see, that’s why we hate Manila.” said David, a rebel who converted to Islam in the year 2003 and died from multiple bullet wounds, “what the fuck was that?”

 

An SAF officer named JC, who left behind two sons and a wife, shouted “It’s not that hard to get to MOA. I mean, I know that it takes awhile to get to MOA, but fuck, we had nothing but time while we were getting shot at for hours.” (Hindi naman mahirap pumunta sa MOA. Alam ko naman na medyo matagal, pero puta, may oras naman kaming maghintay kasi ang tagal ng bakbakan.

Kung gusto nila, kami nalang bahala sa pamasahe nila
“Kung gusto nila, kami nalang bahala sa pamasahe”

The room stirred up as soldiers from both sides vented their frustration towards P-noy. Some discussed the possibility of returning to the mortal world, possessing him, and making him streak EDSA naked. Others said it’d be better to cross over to the other side and tell his parents. Some of the men were getting restless, and began to plan out their revenge when one of the slain rebels stood up.

 

It was Jamal.  “Hey guys, let’s not get mad. I mean, we’re dead. Let’s just move on.”

 

The men quieted down and straightened in their seats. There was a few awkward coughs here and there, along with some muttering, but they stood down. None of them noticed, but some of the Angels floating around the room slowed their revolutions and whispered to each other in the arcane, esoteric language of German.

 

Verdammt. Ich wollte sehen, wie sie die sterbliche Welt zu erobern. Das President ist ein Schwanz.
Verdammt. Ich wollte sehen, wie sie die sterbliche Welt zu erobern. Das President ist ein Schwanz.

 

Just then, Ernie Baron came back up with breaking news. Apparently, P-noy had announced that the incident was entirely the fault of the past administration.

 

“Hell no!” shouted Jamal.


The doors of Limbo swung open as dozens of departed souls rushed out of the office to do God/Allah knows what. This reporter has a suggestion:

 

#Pnoying
Put dicks on all his official portraits!
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