VATICAN CITY – Dozens of priests were rushed to the hospital after a violent brawl in a Vatican bar just hours before the start of the World Cup finals. The fight is said to be started by Pope Benedict XVI, but nothing is confirmed. Vatican officials are keeping mum over the event, the condition of the priests involved, or, more importantly, the winner of the fight.
According to Vatican insiders, Pope Emeritus Benedict made an off-hand remark about the strength of the German team’s offensive capabilities. Pope Francis overheard the comment and walked over to the former Pope, and demanded an apology. Pope Benedict hastily apologized, not wanting a physical confrontation, but quietly muttered “Argentina isn’t white” under his breath while Pope Francis was walking away.
While not yet confirmed, sources say that Pope Francis threw his drink into the face of Pope Benedict, who then retaliated by blasting Pope Francis with a bolt of force lightning. Details of the rest of the fight is sketchy, but according to a witness, everyone in the bar started fighting.
“It was chaos,” said Fr. Jed Villar, “wine bottles, chairs, even crucifixes… everything was flying. Pope Benedict and Pope Francis were just duking it out in the middle of it all, but I don’t know who won. Pope Francis ripped off his clothes and revealed his cartel tattoos, and just went crazy. The Pope is hella ripped.”
As of press time, neither Popes could be reached for comment.