Missing Senior Finally Escapes Freshman Blob

Missing senior Burgess Limyap (BS Predivinity) has finally emerged after a 127-hour stay in what he described as the “Heart of Darkness” – the center of a cloud of freshmen seen roaming around campus. Mr. Limyap was found hungry, tired, and in a state of delirium near Bellarmine Field this morning.


After overcoming the initial shock, he described his harrowing experience. “I was simplying trying to get to class when I felt a strange force pulling me in,” he said. “I looked around and I saw myself being enveloped… I tried to run but I couldn’t. The next thing I knew, I was surrounded by visions of hell. I was sucked into a void where time and space ceased to flow; only madness and EnLit classes existed.”

127 Freshmen coming to theaters next year
127 Freshmen coming to theaters next year

A covert ops unit from Sanggu, headed by Eternal General John Remos, was dispatched to rescue the trapped senior. They used flashbangs and electric batons to disperse the horde with minimal force. They then showered the remaining with freshmen with pepper spray “just because.”

“Stop resisting, dammit, stop resisting!” – Peacekeeper Supreme John Remos


Meanwhile, the Ateneo Physics Department is investigating the possibility of harnessing the Heart of Darkness as a channel through which matter can be teleported through. However, the Department of Demonology has raised concerns about the possibility of the wormhole being used by the spirits of unadmitted freshmen to invade the Ateneo. The Physics Department has responded by saying “that the possibility of a resonance cascade scenario is extremely unlikely.”

“Although we may be wrong”

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