SOSE student’s discovery of free energy overshadowed by UAAP

Experimental Physics major, and literally the only female student in SOSE, Samantha Atade discovered the secret to free energy last Tuesday. Her experiment which is probably about neutrinos or something, is the culmination of her six-year stint at the Ateneo. She says that she’s spent countless sleepless nights revising her calculations over and over again to ensure that her thesis will not end in the ultimate destruction of mankind, but also adds that it was all worth it as her discovery is not only safe and renewable, but will also end humanity’s dependence on fossil fuels.


One of the slides from her presentation


At Tuesday’s press conference, Ms. Atade  explains that the road to creating a post-oil world was not easy, especially considering how, according to international standards, the school is woefully under-equipped. She also cited the problems faced by females in the field of Science, explaining that even in this day and age, she has found it difficult for her to find male scientists willing to take her seriously.


She possibly said a whole lot more, but two minutes into her announcement, the news broke that the Ateneo Blue Eagles had won another game against their bitter rivals, the De La Salle Green Archers. The reporters then fled out of the auditorium to greet the heroes of the school.


After the three-hour parade through the school, the reporters returned to the auditorium, only to find Ms. Atade and her science machine thing missing. In possibly related news, a new energy-based supervillain has appeared, vowing revenge on the Ateneo sports teams and the apathetic public.


The Ateneo Blue Eagle’s next game is scheduled for next Thursday at the Araneta Coliseum at Five o’clock pm.


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