Freethought group to solve country’s problems by sitting in a cafe and affirming each other’s biases

The Filipino freethought group Filipino Freethinkers will be convening for its yearly “Save the Philippines” conference at Bo’s Coffee, Katipunan, tomorrow evening. The conference, now in its fifth year, aims to discuss ideas and theories that would solve the problems of the country and elevate the country’s status on the world stage.

 

The conference will host several enlightening visionaries such as Mary Tess Maringe, highschool teacher, Bob Harris, retired cop, token minority member, and foreigner-who-remembers-his-old-country-as-perfect-but-left-because-booze-is-cheaper-here, SinoKaya Ito, professor at  Harvard College who isn’t comfortable with letting people know what his real name is (but assures us that his credentials are legitimate ) and XxClassyFedora666xX, PhD, the famous blogger and social media activist.

 

The group will discuss several key topics important to the average Filipino such as: “How is religion destroying the country?,” “Human Wave or Shock-and-Awe? Which tactic is best suited for defeating China?” and “Please Respond: Why she won’t respond to you on FB chat.”

 

Conference organizer Marky Mark had this to say about the conference in an exclusive interview with the Blue Frontiersman:

The conference is now on its fifth year, and while it’s  relatively young, it boasts a reputation for always finding the quickest, most efficient solution to these multifaceted issues. That is why we keep doing this year after year; it’s just that effective.

 

Critics say, however, that the group ultimately achieves nothing with their conferences. According to Dr. Jake Vicente, a professor at UP, the group “never actually does anything. At the end of each conference, everyone just parts ways and the topics discussed are never revisited…plans are left with no one to work on them.” He then muttered something under his breath. We can’t confirm what he said, but it sounded like “snot like hay dew anything other Dan jerking beach other off and affirming each smothers theories.”

 

When asked to repeat his statement, Dr. Vicente said “Oh wait, you’re still here?”

 

When told about Dr. Vicente’s criticism of the conference, Mark responded: “That’s an ad hominem… I think. But going back on topic, just because we haven’t done anything doesn’t mean our conferences are useless. Just because each meeting ultimately ends with nothing done means they’re automatically pointless? An absurd notion, I don’t follow their logic! The more we be anti-intellectual, the harder it will be for us to progress as a nation! Talking about stuff is just as important as doing them, and by that logic, it is safe to assume that talking about doing things is just like doing them. [sic] [bullsic]”

 

He then implied that he was “just bitter about being banned for life after his eugenics proposal was shot down.” When asked to elaborate, he claimed that the group shot down Dr. Vicente’s plan to forcefully castrate all religious believers because of the expense.

 

The conference will be held at Bo’s Coffee, Katipunan,

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